Old Dream - 2012 09 14

This comes from September 14, 2012, posted originally on To Scape The Serpent's Tongue.

I dreamed of my brother Sean this morning.

We were in a room in our old house, and Sean looked more or less as he was when I last saw him. He was working on a complex computer program which was clearly beyond him. Some sort of puzzle, to work out the equations for a matrix transform that would connect some lines together to form a shape on the screen like a bevelled rectangle, or a picture of a chimneyless house roof seen from above.

I just changed a few parameters, and got one of the lines to go where it was meant to go. Sean looked up at me, and I didn't have to read his mind to know what he was going to say next.

He asked me then for my help, and his voice was not that of the adult, but of the boy I once knew, back when we were kids.

I realised that he was also kind of tipsy, and I told him "In your current state, Sean, I doubt you'd be able to solve this little puzzle without my aid."

And then part of me woke up, and the dream stopped but somehow I remained kind of asleep, in the dark behind my eyes, as if the curtains had gone down but I was still in the theatre.

And then I realised what I'd been saying, and where Sean was, and I continued, with infinite sadness and a great, crushing weight, "Indeed, in your current condition I doubt you'd be capable of doing very much at all."

Turns out both my parents had had dreams about Sean, too. His birthday is coming up very soon. We cannot go one day without missing him.