Journalist

I was in the Temple of the Damnation Army again, cleaning up the floor. It didn't matter that I was the High Priest; I made a point of putting my name on the cleaning rota like everybody else.

One of my Acolytes, a young man with a bald head, came up to me and whispered in my ear. One of the new recruits awaiting Processing was an undercover journalist. They knew who it could be, but they were not entirely sure. She was a pretty young blonde woman, wearing shades and earbuds constantly. She had been briefed that the recruits had to undergo hypnosis before they were allowed into the Temple.

Clearly, she was unwilling to undergo a trance, and she had no idea what hypnosis was capable of - but her little devices just served to make her stand out from the other recruits.

The Acolyte asked if I should set her aside for special preparations, and I replied that I had a better idea.

So I commanded ten or eleven of the prettiest Acolytes to gather in the secondary ritual room, a hexagonal chamber with a secret exit. They were to wear only bathrobes, and once inside they were to lock the door and leave through the secret exit. They were also to play the "Roman Orgy" CD we keep in the room to play over the PA.

If she wanted an expose, I felt that we should give her one.

"All Right, Let's Do This!"

I was climbing some stone stairs. For some reason, all I had on was my underpants.

Ahead of me, at the top of the stairs, was a set of double doors in a large arched doorway, set in a stone wall in a long corridor. I opened the door and entered.

The room was some sort of a vestibule. Stone walls. Stained glass. The pulpit was unusually tall. The room was higher than it was long, this squarish room with a vaulted ceiling very high up. Rows of pews filled the floor, facing the pulpit. They were occupied by rows of people in their Sunday best. And there was I wearing just underpants.

I just pushed past them and made my way towards the pulpit. All I said to them was "All Right, Let's Do This!" - apparently, they had been awaiting my cue.

As I drew near, I realised that everybody had to climb the stone steps leading up to the pulpit, because there was another little doorway up at the top, behind the pulpit, leading to another area beyond. Some sort of a ritual area.

I began climbing the narrow stone steps, feeling a grim sense of deja vu.

And that was it.

Join Me!

I was a leader, surrounded by young, fit, healthy men and women.

They could well have been men and women I had enslaved from one of my previous dreams - perhaps also the Temple dream.

There was a press conference. I was standing up for my people against baseless accusations, with worldwide press coverage of this live conference, and every major world TV network waiting on my every word.

One reporter asked me if the Join Me! cult - apparently, that was the cult I'd established - actively recruited men and women through hypnosis and intimidation. I replied that they were mutually exclusive approaches - you cannot hypnotise someone who is afraid of you, therefore those who join me cannot possibly be afraid of me.

The next reporter then asked me if that meant that I do use hypnosis on my people. I told them that I do. This caused a huge stir among the assembled reporters, and some angry outcries from the fringes.

I pointed to the phalanx of security and gestured for them to go towards the hecklers. A moment later, they brought forward two mature women from the back of the crowd. I looked at the press cameras.

"Who brought two mothers to this conference?" I asked them. "Was it one of the Murdoch papers? Daily Mail? It had to be one of those." I looked at the angry women. "Mumsnet?" By their reaction, I knew I had them pegged.

I gestured again, and a young man and young woman, both slender and beautiful, stepped forwards from the crowd of cultists and approached their parents. I looked at them, catching their eye, and told them that they were free to go home with their parents and, if they wished, never to return. The man went with his Mum. The girl shook her head, embraced her Mum and stayed. I continued talking to the press.

"I go by the ABCDEF scale as my guide," I said, citing the Advanced Bonewits Cult Danger Evaluation Frame. "My people receive accommodation, protein-rich diets, access to libraries, the internet, colleges - if there are students who wish to join, they get residence here rent-free for the duration of their study, and also during each intersemester hiatus - Christmas, Easter, Summer - providing they help out as volunteers during those breaks.

"Everyone is encouraged to read, pursue a sport or a hobby, visit libraries, seek romance outside the Temple - even leave, if they wish it. They receive health screenings, pregnancy screenings - free condoms and contraceptives are given to those who seek them, even if they are not joiners."

Then I woke up, and found myself wondering. They say that the head of any cult is a single man who knows that it is a scam. But what I came away with after this was the distinct sense that Join Me! was, in fact, something genuine - something amazing.

And that it felt bloody wonderful to be the boss.

Related to this dream:-

Cult Leader

The Temple

Ministry